you've got a heart in the way
by LowkeyLyesmiths
Summary: HDMdaemon!AU. 'Jackson Whittemore is sixteen years old. He's rich, good looking, popular, he gets good grades, he's captain of the lacrosse team, his girlfriend is the most beautiful and most badass girl in school and he hates his daemon.' In which Jackson develops into a half way decent person with Stiles' help. Stackson.


**AN: **Copied over from my Ao3 so I hope there are no formatting issues! Also, first teen wolf fic woot.

This is entirely because a guest review said they liked my daemon fic so I figured I'd MOVE ALL THE DAEMON FIC HERE.

Not in the crossover section because all I stole were the concept of daemons if you need an explanation google it but the short and sweet version is daemons are the physical manifestation of your soul, they're an animal and usually the opposite gender to you. When you're a kid they can change but when you grow up they settle as something that reflects your personality.

Daemon notes at the end, unbeta'd so all errors are my own and enjoy!

* * *

Jackson Whittemore is sixteen years old. He's rich, good looking, popular, he gets good grades, he's captain of the lacrosse team, his girlfriend is the most beautiful and most badass girl in school and he hates his daemon.

Jackson Whittemore is sixteen years old. His parents work all the time and have a lot of money, people at school are in love with the _idea_of him, he's the best lacrosse player on the team (not that that impresses anyone) his girlfriend is terrifying and the word 'love' has never entered their relationship and his daemon is unsettled.

Danny's daemon settles when they're twelve.

Well Danny's twelve, Jackson's almost twelve. Ahonui settles as an Irish Setter and Jackson and Dolan are mad with jealousy. Twelve is early for a boy's daemon to settle but it's not that unusual and anyway, Dolan's a boy so now both their daemons are unusual and Jackson kind of likes that.

"How did you know she was settled?" Jackson asks, for the hundredth time. They're sprawled out across Danny's front lawn 'doing homework' (which really means doing anything but) and Dolan is chasing Ahonui around the garden.

Danny rolls his eyes, "I told you, Jacks. We just knew, I woke up and she was like that."

"Oh." Jackson rolls onto his front and watches Dolan leap about, husky formed. He smiles, "I hope Dolan settles soon."

Danny grins, "What do you want her to be?"

"Something big," Jackson says, "Something huge and _awesome_. Like a wolf!"

"A wolf?" Danny laughs, "Aren't they like only for soldiers and stuff?"

Jackson shrugs, "I could be a soldier."

At this Danny smiles again, softer. "No, Jacks, you couldn't."

Jackson frowns at him; thinks about asking what Danny means but decides against it as their daemons come bounding towards them. Dolan shifts mid-leap into a beagle and greets Jackson with a rough lick on the cheek.

"What're you talking about?" he asks panting.

"You settling, Dol."

Dolan sighs and rolls over, becoming an oceolot, "I don't ever want to settle." He says decisively.

Ahonui laughs lightly, "Yeah, you do. It's awesome." She says.

Dolan sits up, flickers into the shape of small lizard and scrambles onto Ahonui's muzzle, "Don't you miss changing though?"

The Setter shakes her head and Jackson frowns, "How does it _feel_?"

Ahonui and Danny exchange a look, "It just feels _right_." They say.

Jackson nods, "I hope you settle soon then, Dol." He says to the lizard who sticks his tongue out.

"Hey, my mom says early settling runs in the family, maybe you should ask your parents about it?" Danny suggests.

"That's a great idea!" Jackson says brightly.

Jackson asks as soon as he gets home.

They're round the dinner table, his mother's made his favourite; mac'n'cheese. They don't much like it, it's not 'refined' enough so that makes it extra special (they eat it because _he_ likes it) His parent's both have bird daemons, his mother's is a black heron, his father's is a gray parrot; he wonders if that means Dolan will be bird.

"Danny says Ahonui settled early because his parents daemons settled early," he says conversationally, mouthful of mac'n'cheese, swinging his legs. "When did your daemons settle?"

His parents exchange a look. "Well," his mother says, "Aadil settled when I was fourteen and your father's daemon settled when he was fifteen, wasn't it?" His dad nodded and Jackson lowered his head in disappointment.

"Oh...So, will Dolan not settle until around then too?"

They exchange another look and this time Jackson starts to worry. Under the table Dolan presses against him as something huge and warm. "Why'd you guys keep doing that?"

"Well, son, there's something we need to tell you," his father says in the same voice he used when their cat was run over.

That's the first time Jackson's world falls apart.

Jackson doesn't really remember the conversation. He remembers snippets, his parents assuring him they love him, that it doesn't make him any different, that this doesn't change anything. And he wants to scream at them because this changes _everything_ and how can they not see that?

He's not their son. Not their blood.

Half way through Jackson leaves the table and runs out the door, Dolan running beside him as something big (he can't tell what Dolan is because there are _not_ tears blurring his vision) He's not sure where he's going, he just needs to get _away_.

He gets half way across town before anyone stops him. It's freezing, his lungs are screaming and he's gasping for breath. The car rumbles to a stop beside him and Deputy Stilinski leans out, "Jackson? Jackson Whittemore? That you?"

The deputy's face is kind concerned and his German Sheppard daemon runs over to nuzzle Dolan who snarls, "You okay, kid?"

_No._ Jackson wants to say but he doesn't trust himself to speak just yet so he shakes his head and concentrates on breathing.

"Come on," The deputy says, holding open the passenger door. "I'll give you a ride home."

"_No_. Not home, I don't want to go home." Jackson snaps because _it's not his home._

"Did something happen, Jackson?" He asks gently. It's the same tone of voice his parents use when they find Isaac from next door cowering in their garden and nothing like _that_ is happening.

He shakes his head, sniffs and wipes his eyes on his sleeve. "Just don't want to go home." he says sullenly.

Stilinski sighs, "Get in anyway." He pauses, "I have to make a phone call."

Jackson does as he is told, Dolan following, head lowered. He scrambles into the car, he knows Stilinski is phoning his parents but at least the car is warm. When he gets in he's meet with two pairs of too-big, too-bright brown eyes.

Stiles grins, "Hi, Jackson." His daemon waves, a little red squirrel on his shoulder. Stiles' brown eyes sweep over him and his smile vanishes. "What happened?"

_My parents aren't my real parents_, he wants to say, _I'm not their real son, it's not my real home, _but somehow it all gets jumbled together and it comes out as, "I'm not real."

For a few minutes Stiles stares then reaches out and pokes Jackson on the nose. Jackson gapes at him and Stiles shrugs, "You feel real enough to me."

Stiles' daemon scurries down his arm and touches noses with Dolan. _You're here, you're real_. "I like his new form," Stiles says quietly. _It'll be okay._

Jackson blinks and looks down. Dolan's curled up on the floor of the car as a jaguar, bigger than he's ever been. He runs a hand through Dolan's thick fur.

"Thanks," he mumbles and Stiles smiles.

Stiles' dad ends up taking him to Danny's house and Danny's parents hug him and give him hot chocolate and he and Danny curl up under a blanket and watch Disney films until they fall asleep. (Jackson's too old for this, Disney films and cuddling with his best friends, it's not what big boys do but right then he couldn't care less) He tells Danny through a haze of tears during the Fox and the Hound and Danny says, "It doesn't matter Jacks, it'll never matter to me."

He doesn't talk to his parents for almost a week after it happens and he decides he hates mac'n'cheese.

He wonders why his real parents gave him up. He doesn't understand it; you're supposed to love your kids, how could you give them away? Was he not good enough? Too loud? Too quiet? Too stupid? Did they want a girl? A boy with blue eyes instead of green?

Because Dolan is a boy?

Maybe they didn't want a freak for a kid.

Will his adoptive parents give him away too?

What if they do?

By the time Jackson is fourteen his life (which has been a steady downward spiral since that night) changes again.

At school people's daemons start settling and there's this part of Jackson that feels a pang of jealousy each time someone's does.

Lydia's is one of the first. Brayan settles on her fourteenth birthday, a gray monkey with bright brown eyes. McCall's settles that year too as a dark furred mutt, he and Stilinski spent hours in the library trying to work out what breed she was before giving up. Matt-the-camera-guy's daemon settles as a long armed, dark furred monkey (that Danny's daemon follows around like a...well a puppy) And even Isaac's daemon settles as a scrawny dog that Jackson later finds out is actually a type of wolf. By the next year most of his year's daemons have settled. Even Stilinski's as a tiny sand coloured fox.

Jackson has never felt more like a kid. He knows people look differently at him when they realise his daemon isn't settled; it doesn't matter that he's pretty much king of their year or that he's clever and rich and good looking. All they see is a kid with a still shifting daemon. Danny assures him no one cares (he is only fifteen after all and some people don't settle until college, it's not that weird) but Jackson knows they do.

It's one more thing that makes him different.

Jackson the orphan with the boy-daemon that won't settle. (His parent's told him what happened to his real parents when he was fourteen and Jackson wasn't sure how to feel)

"Why can't you settle?" he growls at Dolan one day after lacrosse practise; he had been the only one with an unsettled daemon on the pitch. "We're almost _sixteen_ for God's sake!"

Dolan's lounging on the bench as a wolf, huge and dark. He only takes this form when they're alone. "It's not something I can just _do_, Jackson. It's not only up to me, you know!"

"Well you should be able too." He snarls.

The wolf bares his teeth but Danny sticks his head in to hurry Jackson up and Dolan shifts into an oceolot and pointedly ignores Jackson for the rest of the evening.

Sometimes when he's alone Jackson likes to imagine how different his life could have been.

If his parents had kept him, if someone else had adopted him. He has whole other lives in his head. Lives where his parents don't try to buy his love, lives where he's got siblings, friends, hopes, dreams, lives where he's happy.

Would he still feel hollowed out?

He starts dating Lydia six months before he turns sixteen.

He's the king of the school, she's the queen. It's the natural progression of things. Dolan doesn't particularly get on with Brayan but then Dolan doesn't really get on with anyone anymore. Lydia is beautiful and broken and completely fake; just like Jackson.

See the thing is, Jackson isn't dumb. He knows Lydia's just playing the part of pretty popular bimbo because she _can_, just like he knows that he's little more than a prop in her carefully constructed play. He knows that they'll part when she goes off to MIT or Harvard or Yale or wherever and she'll become crazy rich and win prizes for her intelligence and beauty and maybe then she'll be happy.

Jackson doesn't feature in her future. He's just a prop in her high school play.

He plays along because it's easy and what business is it of his if she wants to pretend she isn't the cleverest kid in school.

Sometimes he wonders if she knows he's as fake as her.

Sometimes he knows she does.

Jackson and Dolan have been "settled" since he asked Lydia out.

Dolan wanted to be something big and wild and Jackson just wanted people to stop saying, "He's _still_ not settles then?" In the end they chose the form of an utonagan dog, its close enough to a wolf to keep Dol happy but safe enough that Jackson won't be immediately sent to the councillor.

Dolan hates it.

"Who cares what anyone thinks, Jacks." He's sitting, eagle formed, watching Jackson getting ready for school.

"_I_ care, alright? I don't _want_ to be a freak anymore."

"What about what _I_ want," Dolan snaps. "Doesn't that matter?"

"_No._"

He knows Lydia knows they're lying, that they aren't really settled. Danny probably does too but Jackson doesn't care anymore.

He just _needs_ to be normal.

Sometimes Dolan thinks about breaking their cover. Changing in the middle of class or a lacrosse game or one of his parents snob-fests.

Jackson knows this.

Dolan's never told him, they hardly speak anymore, but he knows.

What he doesn't know is why Dolan hasn't done it yet.

He knows Dolan wants to desperately, he can feel it during class as Dolan watches the other daemons flit or scramble or slither about. He _wants_ to be an eagle, a moth, a snake, a rat, a tiger. _Anything_ because this form isn't right, it isn't _them_.

Sometimes he wishes Dolan would. Then maybe people would see Jackson Whittemore; the kid, so terrified of failure and being different that he's willing to go to these lengths to play normal.

They know something's different about McCall as soon as he sees him on the lacrosse field.

He's standing straighter, he looks more confident and his daemon looks different. Her ears are more pointed, she's filled out, her eyes are brighter; she looks less like a harmless mutt and more like streamlined hunting dog and it's the oddest thing. He didn't think it was possible for your daemon to change once it was settled.

Later, after McCall makes the team Jackson asks Lydia about it who shrugs, "There have been cases of daemons changing completely after settling, usually it's the result of trauma but it can be other things."

"Like what?"

"I don't know, Jackson, it's just something I read somewhere. I'm not like an expert or anything."

"Drugs," Braylan whispers, leaping to avoid Lydia swatting at him.

_Drugs._ In that case Jackson wants whatever McCall's taking.

Somewhere along the way Jackson starts stealing his father's whiskey.

Somewhere along the way he ends up with a wound on the back of his neck that just won't heal and keeps him up at night (Dolan has a matching scar and it's ironic that that's the only thing that keeps them connected these days)

Somewhere along the way werewolves become more than just a childhood game or a Halloween costume, they're real. _Real. Real. Real._ And McCall is one of them.

Somewhere along the way Jackson dumps Lydia.

Somewhere along the line his daemon stops talking to him.

Somewhere along the way he ends up sobbing into Dolan's wolf-fur begging him to settle, begging him to be different.

Somewhere along the way he realises he has no idea who he is anymore. Jackson Whittemore; jock extraordinaire, best lacrosse player in the school, one half of the perfect power couple is dead and gone. Now there's Jackson the nervous wreck who by rights should be in an asylum with the amount of hallucinations he has, there's Jackson the jerk jock, Jackson who'd do anything to become a werewolf, Jackson who's willing to hurt anyone who gets in the way of what he wants.

And he hates all of them.

Dolan does too.

"Why do you even _want_ to be a fucking werewolf, Jackson."Dolan snaps one night, voice cracked from disuse.

Jackson wants to be strong.

Jackson wants to be fast.

He wants to be the best again.

He wants to be _himself_ again.

Dolan sniggers, "Jacks, you never had a clue who you were."

Jackson wants a pack.

Jackson wants a family.

Jackson wants someone to care.

Jackson _wants_.

After it's all over and Peter Hale is burnt and buried Jackson stumbles up to Derek's house, full of Dutch courage.

"Don't do this," Dolan whimpers at his side. "Jackson, please, _please_ don't!"

"I _need_ to."

"No, no, you don't, we can just leave! Jackson, _please._ This feels _wrong_," Dolan says with a shudder.

"Shut up, Dolan," he hisses, stepping in to the broken house. The acrid stench of death and rot and smoke and decay burns his nostrils. "Derek!" he knows he's here knows it by the way Dolan's hackles are raised.

"Derek! I-I helped you, I helped save you," he calls. "You got what you wanted! Now it's my turn to get what _I_ want."

_Stronger and faster and the __**best.**_

Derek steps out of the shadows, his wolf daemon growling by his side. Kira is the biggest wolf Jackson's ever seen. Huge and black and _terrifying_. He gulps.

"_Jackson, please let's go,"_ His daemon whimpers.

Derek grins and his eyes flash red and Jackson's last conscious thought is _please God let me live._

Jackson wakes up at the bottom of a river; he breaks the surface gasping for breath. His shirt is shredded, his side aches.

Dolan is sitting in a tree as some sort of giant sea gull, staring, just staring.

Jackson shakes himself, "What, Dolan?"

His daemon just stares.

After some research he realises Dolan is an albatross. A wandering albatross. He isn't settled, he's just stubborn.

"Come on, we're going to school change, Dolan."

Dolan ruffles his feathers and doesn't.

"Dolan," Jackson snaps because he is really not in the mood for this shit. His head is pounding and this bite could kill him.

His daemon fixes him with a glare, "You don't listen to me, Jackson." He says coolly. "Why should I listen to you?"

Jackson doesn't need this. He really does not need this. "You're my daemon!" he snaps and Dolan caws angrily, stretches his wings out impressively, dangerously.

"I'm you, Jackson and don't you forget it."

They don't talk after that.

People at school whisper as Jackson and Dolan walk by and Jackson knows that Dolan must look ridiculous next him.

And honestly Jackson's not sure he cares.

He's a wolf now.

He's strong.

He can be happy now...

...Right?

No one's stupid enough to say anything to him though.

No one except Stilinski that is.

He and McCall corner him in the locker room talking about Lydia turning (and honestly that would be a sight, Lydia was fearsome enough as a_human_) McCall's daemon sits loyally at her owner's feet, glaring at Jackson, Stiles' stupid little fox however scampers past them to where Dolan has seated his stupid albatross self on a bench.

Honestly, he doesn't see how any of this is his problem.

He'd like to storm off but it's pretty clear Dolan won't follow him and Jackson _really_ doesn't want to have an argument with his (now obviously) daemon in the middle of the locker room. McCall storms off, his daemon trotting beside him, talking to him in a low, comforting voice.

Stiles doesn't go, he just stands there staring.

"Take a picture, Stilinski, most people do," Jackson mutters.

Stiles' daemon scurries back to him. "I like his new form, Jackson." Stilinski says coldly. "An albatross, very fitting."

"The hell are you talking about, Stiles?"

"Look it up," he says turning, daemon trotting beside him, bottle brush tail standing straight up.

"Dude, your nose," Danny hisses.

And the world falls apart again.

Derek yanks him out of the stall and pushes him roughly across the room. (Jackson wonders how this creep keeps getting into the school anyway)

"Your bodies fighting the bite," Derek says and Kira whines.

_No, not __**now,**__ not after everything. It can't go wrong now._

_"Why?_"

Derek's backing away, eyeing him like his something new, something dangerous (freak, his mind hisses) "I don't know..."

"What does it mean!?"

But Derek's already gone.

There's so much black blood. Jackson thinks he should be dead.

Behind him Dolan shifts, stretches a wing so it touches Jackson on the arm, feather light, he leans in to the touch. "Oh, _Jackson_." His daemon says.

Jackson starts loosing time.

Starts getting migraines.

Nose bleeds.

Nightmares.

Nightmares about blood and screaming and _fear_.

He wakes up one night with Dolan curled around him as a bear, a huge dark furred beast.

"Am I dying, Dolan?" he asks.

Because _brain tumour, aneurism, monster, freak, abomination_ flashes through his mind.

"I don't know anymore, Jacks." Dolan rumbles.

He wakes up chained in the back of a van, he's shirtless and Dolan is watching him from the other side of it with an unreadable expression in his eyes.

He knows immediately who's done this.

He's in there almost an hour before Stiles edges his way in, daemon bouncing behind him.

"Let me out, _now_!" Jackson growls.

Stiles flinches, his daemon lets out a little whine. "Eirian," Stiles says, hushing her. He sits down on the opposite bench when Dolan shifts to make room and he carefully sets his fox daemon down beside him. Then he looks back at Jackson, "You know I put those pants on you, buddy, one leg at a time."

Jackson doesn't even want to _know._

Then the little creep has the audacity to say he's doing Jackson a favour.

"_This_ is doing me a favour?"

"Yes! You're killing people! To _death_ and until we can figure out how to stop you, you're staying in here. Sorry."

This is a joke, right? A sick joke?

"You actually think my parents won't be looking for me?" he snaps. They've been worried since Dolan changed; he's willing to bet they're already at the police station.

Stiles tells him he's a murdering lizard beast like it's the most mundane thing in the world.

"Scales? Like a fish?"

"Nah, more like a reptile...and you have a tail."

"I have a tail." Jackson echoes.

"Yeah, you do."

Jesus, how insane is this kid?

"This is bullshit," Dolan mutters.

"And Dolan? Where does he go when I'm this murdering lizard beast?"

Stiles pauses, glances at Eirian briefly.

"What?" Jackson asks frowning at Dolan who stares stoically back.

"He...Well he disappears."

"_Disappears?_ He can't just _disappear_, he's my daemon!"

Stiles sighs, "Look, Jackson, I'm trying my best here. I know you don't really want to hurt anyone-"

"I want to hurt _you_."

"Okay, I know you don't want to _kill_ anyone,"

Jackson raises an eyebrow.

"_Fine_, it's not like we thought you'd believe us anyway," Stiles snaps. He scoops up his daemon and shuffles towards the door. "Did you ever look up the symbolism for albatrosses, Jackson?"

"No, I was too busy being a murdering lizard beast," he snaps back.

Stiles shakes his head, "You're such a mess, Jackson."

"He was lying," he mumbles to himself as he cleans off the blood (was there blood? Or was that just part of a dream?) "He was lying...He was lying...He was _lying_..."

He drags himself out of the shower, flops onto his bed.

"He was lying, he was lying, he was lying."

Dolan licks his cheek, something warm and rough. He reaches up, winds a hand though his fur. "He was lying, Dolan, wasn't he?"

Dolan huffs out a breath, warm and alive. "I don't know, Jacks. Sometimes it's like I don't exist anymore."

The key.

_The key._

Lydia. Brayan. Dolan.

He blinks.

His hands are claws and scales and Dolan..._Dolan_.

Dolan springs into existence beside him like a breath of air, whimpering and shaking and confused. But it's Stilinski's daemon that's beside him in an instance, not Brayan.

_Murderer, monster, abomination, __**freak**_

Dolan meets his eyes.

He's a jaguar. Bright and strong and beautiful.

_This is it,_ they both think.

Pity they won't get to show their parents.

They deserve it.

They deserve death.

The claws don't hurt as much as he'd thought.

Lydia cries.

Eirian _howls_.

Jackson Whittemore is sixteen years old-was sixteen years old- his daemon, Dolan was a jaguar, he settled late but that doesn't matter now.

The first breath that's torn from his lungs hurts more than anything he's ever felt.

Jackson opens his eyes.

* * *

**Daemon notes:**

Jackson's daemon- Dolan is a Dutch name meaning 'wanderer' which I thought fit him. Albatrosses have come to symbolise a psychological burden (because lol Jackson's list of issues is ridiculously long) more about his jaguar form next chapter.

Stiles' daemon- Eirian means 'bright', it's Welsh (idk) She's a Cape Fox because Stiles is definitely a fox and they are ADORABLE

Lydia's daemon- Brayan means 'strong' it's Celtic, he's a dusky leaf monkey which is cute enough to fit in with her bimbo persona but they're also wicked smart, just like her.

Scott's daemon- Calida means 'warm' in Spanish (Scott's half Mexican or something, right?), I picked a mutt because like Scott they're usually overlooked but they're often a lot stronger, healthier and livelier than pure breeds. So feel free to come up with your own appearence for her.

Danny's daemon- Ahonui means 'patience, enduring' in Hawaiian (Danny's last name sounds Hawaiian) I chose a setter for her because they're dependable, friendly, strong and adorable. Like Danny. They also put up with a lot (or at least my nan's one does) so she'd be suited to dealing with whiney!Jackson.

Isaac's daemon- Ailis means 'kind' in Gaelic. She's an Arabian wolf, they're pretty small but they're tough (Isaac's not even going to be in this fic much, I just love him)

Allison's daemon- not in this chapter, names Evander (archer in gaelic) he's going to be some kind of hunting dog, haven't decided on one yet (feel free to suggest one)

And finally Derek and his obvious wolf daemon, Kira. Her name means 'dark' in Gaelic and she's a Canadian wolf.

Peter will be in it next chapter with his coyote, Mal.


End file.
